A Confession from an Autistic

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By Dylan R.N. Crabb

I usually have two companions beside me: my shadow and my beating heart (and that’s not just a Green Day reference).  Solitude is in my individual nature and that can come with loneliness.  There are times when I want to make an attempt to connect with another person but I never know how to present myself in an introduction.

I’m not talking about starting a romance here (that’s a whole different game and one I’m not equipped to play).  I’m just talking about meeting new people and initiating friendships.  Simply talking to other people is difficult for me, approaching another person and starting a conversation is nerve-racking.  I’ve always felt disconnected from other humans as if everyone else was privy to a fantastic secret that I could not figure out and of which no one would inform me.  Then I retreat to my video games where I can play a hero (or an anti-hero depending on my mood).

I’m only just now (at age 28) beginning to come out of my shell and make stronger efforts to communicate with my peers.  I still feel like I’m wandering aimlessly but hopefully I can find some people just as lost as I am and we can be lost together.

 

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